Sound card skipping

I am having issues with my HP dv4. The High def audio codec was throwing my sound into a virtual blender. The login drums are garbled and thump on in a loop for ten seconds after GNOME is up. I have tried a dozen different suggestions, including checking ASLA for muted sliders. I have read the bug results of #268757, 274424 and tried everything. Now I have no sound and apparently I have hidden my sound card altogether. ALSA is missing, as is OSS and my mixer now reads Monitor of Null for both pulse audio selections. I have Ubuntu hardy on my wifes hp and on an old throw away compaq. I have booted M$ out and plan on staying M$ free but sound is not just a delicacy. I have battled on this front for two days and short of writing my own damn program to handle this sound hiccup, I have exhausted every known course of action. (Sometimes I wonder if Ubuntu's developers leave holes in the programing just to force us poor M$ weanlings onto a terminal- which it has!) I would just like to learn bash with a little music and some cool sound effects. Please help!!!